The Anti-Divorce Vaccine
A good marriage should be like good music: passionate, harmonious, lasting in time. It turns out that almost 60%
of the marriages today end in divorce...
Do you remember the illusion that you both had some time ago when preparing your wedding? Do you remember how
your heart used to beat when you first learned that your partner loved you? Were they only illusions? Were you in
love? What happened to those feelings?
However, small problems have now emerged and it seems that your happiness is no longer the same, that your union
is not as strong. Marriage always involves challenges: if the two do not care about caring, respect and maintaining
the optimistic love that united them, they can fall into a routine that kills the bond that has just been born and,
consequently, they end up having a crisis.
What can cause a marriage crisis?
- Exaggerated expectations: We expect too much from the other and we create false expectations about what
they are or what they do, waiting for complicated things that would be sufficient to chase away all our friends
if we showed them how demanding we are when it comes to our partner.
- Lack of communication: A dialogue is sometimes stopped for fear of hurting or being hurt. Sooner or later,
all husbands hear the following sentence: “You know, I would appreciate it if you had the courage to say what
you think or feel”.
- One wants to change the other: Most marriages end up in a crisis around the time of the ceremony itself as
one strives to shape or change their partner. And they discuss the same characteristics or qualities that made
them choose that particular partner.
- The birth of the first child: Often the first real danger to the peace of marriage comes with the first
child, where one of the two puts all their effort into the kid, ignoring the other. Parents understand that
parenthood can be achieved while they continue to be married. They realize that they can only give their child
the love, security, acceptance and warmth they need to grow if there is love between the husband and wife. The
danger circles all women once there is the risk of becoming a mother. For his part, the father could think
about how to increase the monthly revenue to cultivate the relationship.
- Small tokens of love only: Neglecting the little everyday attention once married, the things that made
courtship so nice: details, sweet words, concrete signs of affection, cuddling, fondling, etc.
- No time to be together: The marriage goes through a crisis because the two partners have no time to be
together, to see each other, to speak, to go out together, just the two of them. Nothing will ever replace the
time spend together. Neither will the money replace it, nor the new appliances, the jewelry, the furs, a nicer
house, a fatter bank account and so on... You can only replace the time spent together with listening to one
another, loving, sharing, etc.
- The claim: Claiming that you must know what the other needs if you really love one. We call these
expectations or telepathy. It is perhaps more useful to declare your desire for a certain thing openly and
accurately. Who really loves you is entitled to report exactly what you want. Another misconception is the idea
that apologizing erases everything. This is a misconception because the apology is a series of words, while
some situations demand more substantial corrective actions.
- The Money: The payment for the house, the budget for food, the budget for entertainment and expenses and
finance in general regrettably represent a significant cause for people ending their marriages today.
Symptoms of the virus that shows you that the divorce is close
- Feeling that love comes and goes and having days when you feel you love your partner and other days when
one is safe.
- Have serious doubts, in the sense that we wonder if it will be worthwhile to start over with someone else
and then look around and see happy people, so, little by little, we feel the desire to have another mate. (We
know someone with our problems at work or elsewhere, we spontaneously talk to that person and we throw
ourselves in their arms in no time).
- Increasingly difficult to communicate or, worse, we do not say anything for several days.
- The feeling that it is the other who puts a strain on the marriage, not us.
- We simply exist side by side, each crushed by an enormous loneliness that leads to the idea of
incompatibility and that it is not worth doing anything to overcome this crisis: we are incompatible, we live
with it and everyone starts to go their own way, there being very little communication, we cultivate our corner
of our hobbies, such as reading, playing with friends, etc.
- Sexual problems: the husband complains that she is frigid, he complains about the fact that he does not
feel loved, that the wife does not arouse any desire in him and so on (it is convenient to say that hope is the
last thing to die, even in couples).
Here begins the infidelity, which is so fashionable today.
Here begins the death of a marriage and divorce becomes the solution to everything. The irony of life is that
the new partner often has the same characteristics as the former one, which we have just separated from and
everything starts again.
Remarrying often works, but we can assure you it's because we decide to work on ourselves and we realize that we
are the most important thing we have to reassess in order to make a remarriage work.