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Some Tips To Overcome The Divorce

Overcoming the divorce is difficult. Sometimes, we wonder how to survive this painful stage. Learn some tips that can help you to recover after a divorce and start a new life in which you get the welfare and happiness you want.

You are not alone. Let me help.

"Sometimes. our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter.
Who would think that these industries will flourish and bloom?
But we hope so and we know it will be so".
 Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German poet, novelist and playwright).

Do you feel anxious, overwhelmed, trapped and stress does not let you live?

A guide to help you feel better

Given the difficult and painful situations, you can take two different attitudes.

  1. Expect to spend the time and trouble with the hope that your suffering will be over.
  2. Act to improve and / or resolve the situation, according to your wishes and needs.

Apparently, the first method is the easiest.
If we suffer so much, why suffer even more?
But thinking like that, we do not get where we want.
We go where the life or the other lead.

It is true that action takes effort, but it is the only way to increase the confidence in ourselves and get what we want.

The following tips will allow you to expedite the divorce process and reduce your suffering.

  1. Recognizes that, regardless of whether you wanted a divorce or not, you are living a number of changes and losses, which will cause different negative emotions that will affect your whole life.
  2. Learn what a divorce involves and its impact on different areas of life.
    • It is very important to understand that what happens to you is normal and that, although painful, it is a process that has a beginning and an end. The final signature is not when you go before the judge, but the time when you manage to overcome your physical and emotional pain.
  3. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise.
    • Do not deny your suffering, do not criticize it, but express it properly. You can do so by writing in a journal.
    • In fact, only by recognizing, accepting, expressing and working can you make a good recovery to free yourself from the past and allow yourself to live and enjoy the future.
    • Remember that emotions, no matter how intense they are, are only a part of you. They cannot control you unless you let them.
  4. Do not compare yourself with others. Remember that every situation is different and each person is different. Therefore, the same situation affects us all in the same way.
  5. Give yourself the time you need to recover. You need between 18 months and 3 or 4 years to recover from a divorce. Do not force yourself, but do not let the pain and compassion keep you stuck in the same place.
    • Progress can be slow, with advances and setbacks, but steady. The size of the steps you take does not matter, especially at first, as long as you keep moving towards the appropriate target: your recovery.
  6. Every morning upon waking and at night before bed, you acknowledge something positive in your life. It can be something important like whether your children are healthy or something minor like you have a watch that you like, the sun came up or you're going to talk on the phone with a relative or friend. Whenever there are positive things in your life, remember the following words: "I complained because I had no shoes until I discovered that others had no feet".
  7. Think of something positive that will result from what is happening.
    For example: You'll be more involved with your children, you learn to do things that you could not do before, there is no more shouting around you, etc.
  8. Avoid places, situations or people that cause you painful memories as much as possible.
    • If you cannot help it, whenever you are in this situation, think:
      "What happens, happens.
      Today is a new day and the beginning of a new life I'm building.
      What matters is the happiness and welfare I want and I can achieve".
  9. Find new activities and relationships that are part of your new identity: a man or woman you have the ability to build a new life with, one with which you can be happy.
  10. At first, during the first few months, do not make drastic decisions, such as change your home or work, unless it is absolutely necessary.
    • If you need to make changes, make them gradually. Learn to set priorities.
  11. Memory fails when there is stress and anguish. Make a list of things you need to do, phone numbers, major accounts, etc... Find how to make your life easier.
  12. When you feel down, take a few minutes to make an appointment with yourself for later, to get in contact your feelings and thoughts.
    • If possible, write them, but without analyzing what you're typing. It is also advisable to keep a journal where you write down everything that happens to you, what you think, feel and want, but without judging or criticizing.
  13. Rely on your friends, but choose those who have the ability to listen, respect your feelings and support them very carefully.
    • Do not live alone in these difficult times. Do not isolate yourself.
    • If your friends or relatives look for you, go with them.
      • You choose if you want to talk about what happens to you or not.
      • If they do not look for you, you go and talk to them.
    • Do not let false pride keep you away from the people who are important to you.
    • Being alone at times is desirable and positive, but being isolated is not.
  14. Focus on the things you have control upon.Do not let yourself worn out physically and emotionally by the things you cannot control.
  15. If you have children, find the right information to help them live a process that is painful and that can be incomprehensible to them, no matter how many times you explain it to them.
  16. Avoid falling into perfectionism or the need to prove that you are very strong and independent. You do not need to prove anything to anyone, not even to yourself.
    • The divorce does not say anything bad about you. You need to recognize the need to end a situation that makes you suffer as it is no longer convenient or not really worth it (although you do not see it very well).
  17. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and try to sleep or rest as much as possible.
  18. Learn to live without your ex-partner. Loving or needing someone does not mean that you cannot live without that person. If your ex-partner has done a number of things to you, it does not mean that you cannot do anything to them or that you cannot learn anything from it. You will gain confidence and feel better as time goes by.
  19. Do not get involved with a new partner until you have really recovered, healed your wounds and worked your emotions.

It can be very tempting to seek a new relationship that you feel good about, one in which you are loved, needed and respected. But if there is a good personal development of all that the divorce involves and you do not learn anything from what happened, you suddenly have the same problems or similar ones.

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