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Healing The Crisis Of The Separation

Psychovideoaccoustics is a branch of psychology, with a systemic and transpersonal approach created by the author of this paper. Here it is what it is all about.

Instead of remembering a sad event and having a cloudy day, remember a happy event and return to the sun.

Divorce, grief, anxiety...

Lucy is a mature woman suffering from insomnia, migraine and recurrent bouts of anxiety. According to her, a dramatic event, which is her recent divorce, got her caught in a whirlwind of pain (...) her rage and her powerlessness are like a sarcophagus.

So, she resorted to psychological treatment. She described how one of the sessions the therapist proposed relied on music therapy – she was asked to recall the events that culminated in divorce, the emotions she felt as real as possible. As she recalled, she was staying with her eyes closed and the therapist put a music CD, Lucy felt that and, weeks later, she could still hum the melody of the violin.

What was not explained was why since then, far from forgiving her ex-husband and making peace with herself, she felt a lot more sincere hatred toward her ex, not accepting the new reality and the symptoms being more intense.

The method with the music therapy was correct: the music was previously selected so that it would help the flow of memories, create a relaxed atmosphere and facilitate the therapeutic process.

The psychologist is competent and professional in their field, but something went wrong. This is what happens to most of the healers who work with harmonic sound.

The sessions with sounds of bells, children drums, ocarina, ostinato drums and other basic instruments (from the various traditions of the world) do not cause many problems, so the fact that the therapist does not have solid musical training is supported by the primitive tools, but there is a simple procedure which is required if they want to enter the more sophisticated field of music (Mozart is a common recipe for instance, which is why this method has often proved to be very successful).

The specialist did something peculiar in this case: they triggered an emotional effect with which the passionate music fueled the image of the violin turning it into a kind of indelible cinematic memory, so the psychological pain of the patient was far from alleviated by the increased and magnificent power of the sound message.

Whether you like it or not, the hearing and the visual culture of the recent decades represent a very important part of our daily life: film, video, radio, television, the net universe have created certain mental patterns that powerfully influence our understanding of what we know as reality. Psychovideoaccoustics is about this.

Lucia resolved her ailments (insomnia, anxiety) in these short sessions (the migraines became rarer and less intense) and we used the same technique of music therapy for this, with the appropriate musical variation, in this case, music in minor mode, no measure of percussion and music with long chords (no harmonic tension), at a rate of about 60 beats per minute.

The topics selected to manage the difficult memories of the divorce process had to do with neutral music (contemporary orchestral music), so that the self-esteem would be raised. There was epic orchestral music for a better understanding of the separation and for the client to be placed in a harmonic atmosphere created by Eastern music.

A specific study was conducted to prescribe the appropriate musical background for treatment.

This method may seem unscientific and it even seems too simple, but it is not. This is a specialty that requires knowledge of the human psyche, knowledge of music (the subject may have to write about it) and of communication sciences (especially as far as the rich visual messages are concerned).

The "guru" John Williams

The music of a film, a commercial, a news segment is a very serious matter to the filmmakers, media producers and psychologists who carefully select the material to send the right acoustic sound message (visual message is an indispensable complement). If things weren’t so, the multinational corporations would not spend so many millions of dollars on this, which means that the sound message is a responsibility reserved for specialists.

The work of a music therapist should involve the same commitment, not settling to reach out and take the first CD to appear and use it indiscriminately or commonly as a limited repertoire for the entire psycho spectrum.

This also has to do with a vast experience. In some cases, specialists refer to the strength of the music of the extraordinary musician who was a manipulator of emotions in the context of film: John Williams ("Lost in Space", "The Poseidon Adventure," "Superman," "Shark", "The Wars","Close Encounters of the Third Kind", "ET", "Return of the Jedi", "JFK", "Shindler's List", "Memoirs of a Geisha", among many other class soundtracks), whose songs are, dare we say, perhaps of greater value to the therapist than that of any other new age music authors, who follow the standard harmonic and whose artistic inspiration is flawed.

The guru John Williams has a repertoire rich in psychological triggers and his themes are quite visual.

The three divorces

Whether it is a clear divorce (which is legal and the couple separates permanently), a latent divorce (living together with physical and psychological distance, canceling each other in a complex of self-destruction) or a permanent divorce (one of them will not live in that house, but they enjoy all the privileges, commitment to phobia and truth and they take an ego trip), it is clear that these couples do not have the willingness to share the cry and develop a life plan together. At least, one of the partners doesn’t.

This brings resentment, anger and humiliation, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, sexual disturbance, guilt, inability to cope and to understand the other’s decisions and difficulty to forgive, especially oneself.

This is dynamite when it comes to the emotions which must be enlightening in order to avoid further psychological damage. When there is no alternative, when the resources are exhausted, the best choice is to get a divorce.

The latent divorce is probably more damaging regardless of how it is justified because it overlaps the social pressure and care of the image by giving preference to the concealment in a state of annihilation that is false and a disservice to the entire family environment, no matter what the price. There is a series of unpredictable consequences in the romantic relationships with more sensitive members.

The indefinite divorce is also a terrible emotional stress, one of the two parties usually being in control while the other party, whose dignity is rendered, is torn between doubt and hope without condition and without time.

This sadomasochistic complicity gives the controlling party (87% men) a series of bonuses that they are not meant to have: freedom to interact with other couples, to worship the machismo, minimal responsibility and commitment, hubris and cynicism, while the victimize ranges between hysteria and sanity, overwhelmed by the opinions of others, trying to conquer the others. They also look for the opportunities offered by the world and at the same time strive to convince strangers of their own infinite goodness, sacrificing their integrity and health in a recurring way, humiliation and cynicism involved.

Musicalize the healing process

Either go for dialogue or search for alternative solutions, but if there is no remedy (to avoid latent and undefined divorce) and you opt for manifesto divorce (which somehow resolves the situation), a series of conditions must be taken into consideration as soon as possible.

Practice the following psychovideoaccoustic therapy and do not stop the life:

  1. Watch the TV program that you like (no sports, concerts or news). Whenever they show the commercial breaks, turn the volume down and watch the synchronicity of the images while saying that you accept the sense of liberation and the opportunity to achieve personal growth without there being any guilt. You should agree to make a new life plan and to look for improvement. You know you will have regrets and that you will feel melancholic, but you can focus your energy on finding a whole constellation of possibilities in health, money and love (A day program for 21 days).
  2. Record a song of your choice (any kind), then record the track, improvising a melody with your voice and with this text: “I release me and I release you, I forgive me and I forgive you”. Sing about three or four songs and always record your message for one minute between each track (one session per day for 21 days).
  3. I recommend listening to the audio: "Raa Maa Daa Saa Saa Say So Hung", Holy Technologies (to display and attract new partners that the universe has in store for you). Listen to "Catch Me If You Can”, John Williams, the subject of the film with the same name (irreplaceable music to weaken the symptoms or thoughts of self-pity (main anchor of the emotional paralysis). You can also go for "Self-esteem and Forgiveness" by Milenio Crystofer. In addition, look for "The Story of the Weeping Camel" by Byambasuren Davaa and Luigi Falorni, both with National Geographic.
  4. Any crisis (including depression) requires quiet and deep breathing, drinking plenty of water, returning to your center of harmony posing on a rock and watching your spiritual practice being held. You have to remember: your problem is not with the past or with loneliness, your mind is trapped on being “liberal”.

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