Divorce And The Way The Children Should Be Handled

Tips to help a child overcome their parents' divorce

Divorce is a painful fact for the whole family, as it always implies a process of emotional distress for both members of the couple and their children. The breaking of this bond of love has a strong impact and its effects will be felt in the limbs.

In most of the situations, this decision will end a period of great deterioration of the relationship and of the family harmony, as it was probably already governed by uncertainty, pain, fights, etc.

When the couple decides to divorce, the responsibility belongs to both parents and children think they may be the ones who caused this situation, therefore you must seek alternatives to prevent their unnecessary suffering.

At this time, the questions of how to cope and how to handle the issue with the kids arises, so the ideal thing is that both parents are able to meet with them and explain the reasons for the divorce.

Involving both parents avoids the appearance of contradictions between the two versions.

Sometimes, due to the deterioration of the bond, it is impossible to agree to work together on this communication. In these cases, you should do it individually before agreeing on some specific guidelines in order to avoid any overflows between the two of you.

When the children address their specific and direct questions, the parents should report what happens with short, clear answers that satisfy the children's curiosity and not dwell on painful and unnecessary details.

Something important to convey to the kids when you announce the separation is that they were conceived in love. Always make it clear that they are not responsible for the separation, because they sometimes feel guilty for any inappropriate behavior they have had.

Another issue to consider is providing the security that they will continue to maintain a relationship with both their parents and, if possible, then tell them how to handle the visitation schedule.

The adult has the necessary means to explain to them that the dissolution of the couple does not affect the child’s relationship with each parent. This information should be tailored according to their age and intelligence and the responsibility to address these issues should not be delegated to others.

There are certain positions of the parents, which are negative for the children, so here are a few of them you should avoid:

• Competing to win the affection of your children as this is very bad for them. Sometimes, there is an economic competition, the two fighting to buy more expensive items for their children and they sometimes become complacent parents, unable to set boundaries and guidelines to avoid upsetting the children in this competition.
  
• Using the children to send inappropriate messages, in which case the struggle between them continues through their children.
  
• Lying. For example, phrases like “Daddy is working", "Dad is traveling” are not recommended as they serve to keep the illusion that nothing happens for a while, but the kid will know the truth sooner or later.
  
• Identifying and controlling the other through the children. This is not convenient and usually occurs when one of the partners does not assume the separation.
  
• Discussing in the presence of the children.

Even if the divorce is a difficult situation for the children, it does not necessarily need to trigger a disease. The emergence of psychological conflict arises when the couple have problems, when there are certain individual characteristics that do not mach and when there is an environment in which there is no support.

Adapting to this new situation is possible if you can maintain some balance, if you can give your children a space of contention and if neither of the parents forgets that the parental relationship should be maintained forever.