Divorce And Children
Query: "I have a 7 year old child, I separated a few months ago and I do not know how I can help
my son to understand that his dad is no longer in the house and that our separation is final ..."
 How does a divorce affect the children?
Answer:
In spite of approaching and doing things properly, it is impossible not to have difficult
moments after a separation, as they will have new situations they have to get used to and adapt to.
If you really want the best for your child and nobody doubts it, you should never deprive him of
his father. Try to put aside the bitterness, revenge and especially the lack of respect for your ex.
Never use your child to hurt your ex-partner. If this happens, your child will think he has
power over your relationship, that if he has power then he could have avoided the divorce and you will make him
feel guilty.
The threat to get a divorce is not a divorce itself, but it is the situations that accompany it
that really make a difference. If these situations continue to provide security and confidence in the child, there
should be no problem.
Do not forget that what your child feels before the separation is insecurity, fear that if one
of his parents is "leaving", he can still stay with the other. Show him that the facts are so far from reality.
Fear of abandonment
The smaller ones tend to get cuddly with the parent who has custody. It is not just a way of
shouting "Forsake me". However, this harrowing rollover demand for affection is not good for their psychological
development. Most professionals agree that children aged between seven and thirteen are most affected by the
divorce of their parents. The concept that had previously learned about family was completely broken. They tend to
vent their anger with the parent who has custody, so, when this happen, try to ignore the comments such as "I hate
you and I want to go with my father." There are typical extremist and cruel sentences in any case, with which your
child can make you angry.
You divorced from your partner, but not the son
It often happens that children idealize the figure who does not have custody. It's very normal,
as the one who has custody has to deal with both good and bad situations, with the daily life and the one who does
not have it spends with their children in a way as wonderful as possible, they offer gifts and let them do what
they want, etc.
If you have custody and the child tells you how well excited they are about what has happened
and that they wish to spend the other weekend with the other parent, you might feel angry or jealous when listening
to them.
However, this means that there is a normal and good relationship with the ex. Yet, you should
not make the mistake of not listening to their stories or give less attention than if they were recounting their
days in school. Treat them well and be glad for them because it is the happiness of your child that matters
most.
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