A Man's Question On Children And Separation

Psychologist Norberto Inda just published an excellent article called “Men looking at your life” in a newspaper. He expresses different concepts in demonstrating a latent reality. Here some of the details he focuses on.

According to many women and not only, those who are supposed to leave the home in times of a divorce are the men, not the women. This question reflects a latent reality. Why does the mother have so many benefits, being allowed to continue living at home and to have the children with her? Why does the mother get to use them as if they were her exclusive private property? Why does the father have to go away from home, which punishes him by sending him into a distressing mental state, forcing him to live in any shelter he finds, being imposed schemes to visit his children? What do you think the psychological damage the father and children suffer is? Is the mother judged by the same yardstick? What arbitrary justice measures to see if the determination is correct? What if it was not? What happens with false allegations? Who investigates the entire situation? Who is responsible?

In itself, the fact that the father is forced to flee his home provides a clear bias in favor of the mother, showing a clear bias toward one party. From the moment that the parent is removed from home, there is almost no chance for the couple to get back together. On the contrary, the moral and ethical obligation of justice is to attempt the salvation of the group family by all means available. This is what justice totally ignores. Such actions contributed and contribute to the dissolution of many marriages that could have been saved. They deserved a chance. Perhaps they could not solve their problems alone and they needed help. You cannot take this matter lightly. They have only been handled with technical standards and facile judgments. Shouldn’t they also think of the sacred rights of children, who are spiritually and psychologically affected by being deprived of their father’s presence in the house? This is something the courts and the judges seem to ignore.

Why do women get to raise the children on their own and when did that change?

This is another great barbarity. There is nothing valid about this and it is also very distressing. When part of the link changes, the children's entire educational system is shaken. Growing only in their mother’s hands, the children lose their sense of fatherhood. They lose the respect imposed by their father in his home. They are totally unprotected and they do not benefit of the pieces of advice, lessons, healthcare and authority that only a parent can provide. Their formation is crippled by fifty per cent. You can also observe the consequences in time, as they end up being children with serious behavioral and educational problems and with moral disorders, which mark their character for life.

These symptoms are common in today's society and adolescents are particularly sensitive. Again, this deprives the common sense and that means ignoring the reality on the part of those responsible for administering justice. Children who have the right to education from both parents are much more likely to reach a happy adolescence than others.

Why do judges believe that children are taken care of by both their mother and their father after separation?

According to the archaic justice, only mothers can take care of their children because of their maternal instincts, this being an incoherent and an inaccurate premise. When the law gives the custody to a mother, she is being given the right to consider her children as private property, to use them as a source of pressure, revenge and collection against their father. A famous jurist said: “mothers who believe their children are privately owned should be sent to jail”.
 
Who can say that they will not be? Who guarantees that the mother’s behavior in the father’s absence is ideal for the welfare of their children? The custody of children must be given to both parents and everyone should be watching for the other to maintain a consistent line of conduct towards their children. This situation is inadmissible. It is an unknown format of reality, which clearly implies the violation of the integrity of children. This is an attack against the best interests of the children as a general principle of the law on the basis of a fair and caring society.

These are the values that justice must work on before applying judgments on a widespread basis. It should have the obligation and responsibility to implement all means trying to safeguard the marriage before making any final judgments. It has the power to destroy a family and what has been a family for so long with simple little papers. It is also the parents’ duty to take care of the children, to make sure they do everything they can to save their marriage and to make sure nothing bad happens to their children ever since they enter the world. They should also seek help from a third party if they cannot handle their problems. They just have to think about their kids because the blame and responsibility in a couple belongs to both parties alike. You cannot deprive the children of their father or of the happiness they enjoy by his side. There is no official law or human being entitled to do this. This is something only God can do in His infinite wisdom. Bringing justice in line with reality should be a matter of urgency. Justice must renew its concepts. A family is not a single file which justice can overlook. It should be given the attention it deserves. There is a need to save a marriage, not to destroy it and to give the father what he deserves, not what the mother wants him to be given.